The Reaction.

Over the following weeks, I would wish I had thought to hit record on my phone to get those reactions on video. The power I felt at that time was more than I had ever felt in my life. I had ultimate control over them for just a few moments, and to see them go from their stupid, disgusting sex to the shame and humiliation at my announced presence was a delicious moment that trumped the hurt Carol was causing me.

It would repeat in my head over and over for days, the terrible thing she had done, followed by me dropping an atomic bomb on their little party. I couldn’t imagine how much more it would have hurt me if the memory didn’t include my sudden interruption and following uncontested verbal assault.

Rick stood and said, “Oh!” and proceeded to get dressed.

Carol, squeaked, “Ohmygod!” and turned to her side, pulling the comforter over her naked body.

“Get the f**k out of my house!” I shouted at Rick as he dressed.

“Okay” and “I’m sorry” we’re the words that kept coming from his ghost white face as I repeated, “Get the f**k out!” and “Keep moving!”

I gave him just enough room to pass by me without having to make physical contact with me. As his face was nearly an inch from mine, I said, “Jennifer’s gonna hear ALL about this, you can goddamn guarantee that, you stupid piece of s**t.” Jennifer is Rick’s wife.

This broke his pattern of “sorry” and “okay”. He now said, “I know. I’m sorry, I know how it feels. It’s happened to me too.”

“Then why the f**k did you do this to me?!” I shouted incredulously, before returning to the repeating reminders to “get the f**k out of my house” and “keep moving”.

Finally, he was out the door and I made my way back to the master bedroom. I found Carol, still cowering under the comforter. Is this how abused wives look when their husband gets mad, I thought, reverting to a childlike state, hiding from the monster in your room? I’m sure she felt some fear from hearing me yell at someone like I did to Rick. While my anger was very much in control, she had never seen it at such a level before. That, in combination with the shock and shame probably left her frozen, unable to process the stimuli.

What I saw in the moment was someone, quite pathetically, attempting to use a blanket as a barrier between her and the consequences. Not on my watch, I thought. I yanked the comforter away from her and shouted, “What are you still laying around for?! I said GET the F**K out of my HOUSE!”

Later, Carol would tell me just how much it hurt to hear these words from the man who would previously never dare to say something to intentionally hurt her.

She jumped up and began dressing, the tears began flowing.

“That’s right, get your f**king shit together and get out. You dumb bitch. You’re such a stupid c**t, you know that? F**king him? You just f**ked yourself!”

“I will do anything you say. Anything,” she’d replied, which caused a few more reps of “get the f**k out of my house” and “keep moving.”

As she walked down the steps from the bedroom area, I let her know that “I’m going to tell EVERYONE. Understand? Everyone is going to know what a stupid, stupid c**t you are. You know what? F**k it, I’m calling my dad RIGHT NOW!”

I pulled out my phone and began dialing my father’s number. Carol was at the door, putting on her shoes saying, “I will do ANYTHING you want. I will do ANYTHING you say.” This is a woman who would lash out at me if I dared to challenge her, now so undeniably and completely caught and in the wrong, she could not play the blame game. She would try a few weeks later, only to take it back quickly to spare herself a second full-on verbal lashing.

I finally got a hold of my father. This is one moment I find regrettable. He answered the phone to hear his unhinged son immediately yell, “I need a goddamn divorce lawyer! I just caught Carol cheating!”

“Are you sure?” was all he could reply.

“Hell yeah I’m sure, I just caught the stupid bitch!”

At this point, I see Carol sitting on the front step to our house, head in her hands. I burst through the door and spoke loudly into the phone, “Yeah, I kicked her out but apparently she didn’t get the message!” I turn to her, “Get walking!”

“I’ve got nowhere to go!” she cried, after all her ride left already.

“Not my f**king problem, get walking!” She slowly got up and started taking some steps. “GET WALKING!” She jumped and quickened her pace.

At this point, a neighbour in his truck rolled down the window and asked if everything’s okay. “No problem, just caught my wife sleeping with her boss,” I replied.

She later had to return to the house to pack her stuff and go over to her parents’ house. She told me Rick had gone home to tell Jennifer and now Carol would tell her mom what she did. I had calmed enough to decide I would make no permanent decisions. I would pick up the kids and tell them mommy was working all night, then we would talk tomorrow.

The talking has continued since then.

Now that I got the incident out of the way, we shall continue to examine how it got to be this way, who Rick really is and why she chose him, and how I could even entertain the possibility of reconciliation (again, it is only a possibility at this point, not something I’m in any way sure about or committed to).

5 thoughts on “The Reaction.

    1. Thank you for reading. It was really tough to revisit that moment my marriage fell apart. I will look at your website and see if it can help me find some direction.

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    1. I spent a few weeks reading everything I could to survive the initial chaos, and did look at that site a bit. I will look at it some more.

      Like

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