Finally, it was Friday and Carol and I had two nights booked at a hotel in a big city away from home. We had no real goals besides a bit of shopping, which was good in one sense but bad in another. It was good to have no obligation to be at some place at a specific time, giving us absolute freedom to do what we wanted, whenever we wanted. But without a plan, we found ourselves not knowing what to do at times.
On the drive there, Carol talked about Rick’s parents. Previously, she told me her personal life was none of their business anymore but they knew why she was heading out of town this weekend. She said she has no problem telling them if they ask, she’s just not going out of her way to talk about herself anymore. They asked, she told, they were thrilled to hear that we are working on our marriage. They also told her that they’ve noticed how happy she’s been lately and to not let Rick’s personal issues get her down (they don’t know the full story).
By the time we got to our hotel it was past dinner time. We stretched out on the bed for a bit, having been in a car for three hours. Carol began sending pics to her friends.
The night before, Steve and his wife talked to me openly about their sexual adventures and their issues around that. Steve is a freak. His wife is not. Neither am I but I did tell them how much I’d love to have some sexy pictures of Carol but the two times I brought it up over the past 16 years, I was denied. I wasn’t asking for full nudes, but I don’t think she understood that.
With my conversation the night before in mind, I brought it up for the third time in our relationship.
“You should send me some sexy pics,” I said.
“I’m not a teenager,” she replied. “Besides, you’d show them to your friends,” she said half-jokingly.
“I would never. Anything you’d give to me would be for me only, no matter what happens between us. I would never dare do such a thing to you.” I meant it and I mean it. “We’d be sharing pics as husband and wife. I don’t mean you have to show everything. Something sexy and teasing would do just fine.”
I put out the idea and she wasn’t down with it, so I left it at that.
We decided to try out a restaurant recommended by Steve. It was quite a walk from the hotel but it was some really good Chinese food. After that, we went out to drink.
The first pub we tried wasn’t exactly an exciting place. Nothing was going on inside, so we sat out on the patio in the muggy weather. Conversation was difficult. I had spent so much time catching up with friends but now here I was with the woman who knew me the most. What was there to say? She knew it all already. I was beginning to wish we were out in a group.
“Let me think of something I’ve never told you before,” I said. I sat and thought for a long time.
I had nothing of interest. It was going to be a long trip if I couldn’t talk to her about anything. We finished our drinks and went searching for a better, more happening bar.
We found a bar where a band was playing all the hits from the ‘90’s. We had our second drink, enjoying the atmosphere. We decided to stay for more. The songs the band was playing made for good conversation starters. We talked about music and our memories with specific songs.
Sure enough, after many drinks we talked a lot about us and how we came to be where we are now. Over the course of four hours, we covered a lot of what we discussed already, just in a more animated and passionate manner. At close to 2:00am, we stumbled out of the bar and went out in search of snacks before turning in for the night.
Back at the hotel, Carol removed her pants and lay on the bed in her tank top and panties. We were drunk and giggly. I told her it’d be nice to have a picture of her in her panties. She laughed, asking why I’d want such a picture.
“To remember,” I said. I snapped a pic and tossed my phone on the bed. Before long, we were fooling around. This time, though it took a while, I made her orgasm.
“Sorry it took me so long,” Carol said afterward. “Too much to drink again.”
“At least I got you this time.”
“Yes, you did. Did you know that you’re the only one, ever, in my life who could make me cum?”
“Wow,” I said. “Well, don’t you forget that. I’m glad I can make you feel good.”
I stared at her for a while, lost in my thoughts. “Now this would make a great picture,” I said to myself.
“Okay,” Carol replied.
That took a moment to process but she didn’t have to tell me twice.
We were really tired at this point so we went to bed. I told Carol that I’d check with her tomorrow, when we’re sober, about the picture I took. I asked her if she wanted to see it. She said, “No way.”
Though I was too exhausted to do anything, I also couldn’t sleep at all. I got up several times to check the picture on my phone because I couldn’t believe it actually happened. It also didn’t help that since we were away from home, Carol was sleeping nude.
The next morning, or should I say, later that morning, Carol woke up, stretched and slid the covers down. That was all the signal I needed, so I gave her another orgasm. She began to touch me but I tensed up. That old performance anxiety, still giving me trouble.
I pulled her on top of me and kissed her. “You know, I love you, right?” I asked.
“I never doubted,” she said.
She sat up. I looked up at her, admiring her at this angle. “This is my favourite way to see you, sitting on top of me. You look so beautiful. That’s a wonderful picture.”
“You don’t need a picture, I’m right here,” she replied. She then took care of me. Still no intercourse yet, but we’ve had plenty of fun with each other.
We went out for breakfast then came back to the room for a bit. Carol received a message from one of her store managers. She was in tears, overwhelmed by being short a few people while dealing with a high volume of customers due to a local event. She could not get Rick to answer his phone. Carol had to contact him to get him to go do his job. In doing this, her demeanour completely changed. She was tense and angry.
“Look what just having to text him does to you. You’re all stressed. This is how you’ve been most of the time over the past few years.”
“He just won’t do his fucking job. He at least answered me and headed right out there. He knows I have power over him now. He’s fucked up too much and everyone can see that he’s not cut out for this and I am. Before, if I told him to get out there to work he’d say, ‘Don’t worry about my fucking job, I’ll do what I feel like doing’. That was frustrating. He can’t do that anymore but still, yeah I’m pissed off to have to deal with him.”
And this is the guy you chose to break your vows with, genius, I thought.
But instead of expressing my anger, I said, “He abused his position of authority. Remember how you said, you’d be chatting with him as friends and he’d suddenly turn it completely around and say, ‘I’m your boss, you don’t talk to me like that!’? It was to try to control you. Thankfully he doesn’t have that anymore.”
The rest of Saturday was very uneventful. We shopped and ate dinner, but we were far too burnt out from drinking, a lack of sleep, and a lot of walking so we turned in early.
The next morning, Carol and I held each other in the shower for a long time before we had to gather up our stuff and check out of the hotel. Before we got dressed, Carol let me take another picture of her naked body.
I had these two naked pictures of her but that wasn’t all. I took pictures of her in her different outfits, I took selfies with her when we were drinking and I took pictures of her as she sat across from me at the different restaurants. I captured moments. Moments I want to keep. And this blog, this isn’t about surviving infidelity anymore, at least not at the moment. I’m writing this because I’m capturing it for me. For the memories.
I lost Carol. Now she’s back and I cope by capturing every moment I can. The discussions, the places, the moments, and definitely, the bedroom fun. The blog is not enough. I want to keep that moment of her sitting across from me in that restaurant, with her tank top on and her hair in a bun. I don’t want it to fade, so now I take a picture. Later that night, Carol laying on the bed, same tank top on, lower half naked, looking up at me with sexual satisfaction. It happened and it’s there for me to look at again and again. Hair down, grey shirt, sitting across from me, enjoying breakfast. Captured forever.
Forever is all I ever wanted from her. Just forever.