The Argument.

Carol said, “I was still angry with you and so I didn’t resist.” That’s as much of an answer I’ve gotten from her about what she did. Why was she angry with me? Because of this argument earlier this year.

It was less than a year after we bought a new house together. Carol was as she always is: doesn’t talk about her feelings, seems okay but lazy in her relationship with me, we have many fun times together but she will occasionally treat me like I don’t matter at all.

She told me her parents wanted to go on a destination vacation and wanted to take her and her sister, Doreen with them. Carol texted me at work and asked if she could go. I said, “no.”

I would later learn that she then texted Doreen saying, “I want a divorce.” Doreen didn’t think she was being serious, but both of them were not happy with me for saying “no” because now Doreen would not be going either. I’ve since explained to Doreen why I didn’t allow it, and she was sorry for being angry with me.

I came home from work and Carol was crankier than usual. The argument began in the kitchen.

“What do you think is going to happen? That I’m going to cheat on you? I’m going on a trip with my parents and sister!” She said.

“What I think is that the last thing we need right now is you spending a couple of grand on a separate vacation. Aren’t we supposed to be planning that big family vacation?”

“That’s not going to be fun for me! I’m stressed out enough as it is. I don’t need a stressful vacation. I will have to take care of the kids since you can’t go out in the sun.”

“I will manage. We’ve gone outside as a family before. We’ll figure it out!”

“No, when we go out, you always give me a look.”

“No I don’t,” I said.

“Yes, you do! You might think you don’t, but you do. It’s not going to be fun, it’s going to be more stress. I need a break!”

“A break? That’s all you ever need is ‘a break’. When our brother-in-law invited me to his bachelor party, what did you say? ‘No’, and I respected that. We are a family and should be spending money on our vacation, not your own separate one. But no, you need a break. You always go off and do whatever the hell you want, but you need a break. And I don’t? I spent the entire Christmas holidays in bed with influenza, where’s my break?”

“And I took care of you,” she replied.

“As long as I praised you the whole time so you wouldn’t become an abusive nightmare like you were every time I had surgery. You need a break… you’re always taking a break. All you do is treat me like your chauffeur, nanny, or personal accountant. You acted so ignorant to me at that Christmas party that even Jennifer was weirded out. And she’s married to Rick! You act like you don’t want a family, like you never wanted to be married!”

“Maybe I don’t,” she replied.

I was shocked. “What?”

I don’t want to be married to you anymore.” She emphasized every single word.

A rush of butterflies swirled around in my stomach. They reached my chest. My heart was pounding. My mind was racing.

“Are you… are you fucking serious?” I whispered. She turned away and began cleaning dishes.

“Can we at least wait until the kids are grown up so we don’t ruin their childhood? I put up with you treating me like shit for years and you want a divorce. You never even tried!”

“I’m not talking about this right now,” she replied.

“Seriously?! You’re going to tell me you want a divorce then not talk about it?”

“I don’t want to say something I’ll regret,” she said, coldly.

“You already said it’s over. So, what’s your plans? How do we split up our new house and everything?”

“You figure it out.”

I laughed in disbelief. No effort from her in the marriage and none in the divorce.

I left the room and began browsing houses for sale on my phone. I was shocked and fuming.

Later, that evening, I sat down across from her and told her my plans thus far.

“You want me to ‘figure it out’? Well here it is. You decided to get married. You had kids with me. That’s what you have, a family. You don’t even want to try. You sure as hell haven’t been trying. You just keep acting like you regret getting married and having kids. Well, then. You don’t want to be a wife and mother? Then this is my house and my kids. I’m going to do my best to make them feel loved and safe like they deserve, and I’ll do it on my own if I have to. You want out? Fine. Then get out.”

She sat there wordlessly. She stayed home that night, though I’m not sure who slept where.

The next day, I shuffled along at work like a zombie. I was in a daze, lost and hurting. It wasn’t the first time she made me feel that way and it wouldn’t be the last. The worst was yet to come.

It’s hard for me to believe, but she may have even texted me first. “How are you?” I think she asked.

“Terrible,” I responded.

“Me too.”

I got home and walked past her to go to the bedroom. I lay down on our bed, the bed that I will have removed from our house a few months in the future.

Carol walked in, with tears in her eyes already. She crawled into bed next to me and cried, “I just need to learn to calm down.”

I pulled her on top me. We held each other and kissed. The night before she wanted out. Apparently, she changed her mind.

She chose to stay. She would later tell me, “I wanted to leave but you would always throw the kids in my face.”

Of course, I did. She sure as hell wasn’t thinking about them. She wasn’t when she cheated, and she still couldn’t wrap her head around it when we separated. Not until she actually saw their pain did she even begin to understand that she was causing them suffering. And herself.

That horrible guy she was married to and the great guy she was fucking? Turns out she couldn’t think of a goddamn reason why I’m not such a great guy. And she stepped back and saw just how long the laundry list of issues with the asshole was.

Whoopsie daisy.

 

3 thoughts on “The Argument.

  1. Wow, I am speechless. I am without words. I am floored. Ok, let me get back up now.

    Usually when relationships come to the point where it slips out from ones mouth that they want out, they usually do, and then they buy time by saying they didn’t mean it or in her case, she needs to learn to calm down. They buy time until they can figure out a way to break off the relationship and plan for whatever future they see coming with the other person. Its all textbook.

    Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In her case, I think she had no idea what she was doing. She had no future plans with the loser, from what I can tell. She’s talked of misery and anger and him simply being around at that time. I believe she had sympathy for him because that’s the angle he played to get in her pants, but I’d be surprised if there was any genuine affection from either of them.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s