December 2018 – Marriage Counselling

It’s been a month, that’s for sure. I’ve posted some snippets of thoughts and moments last month, but December was very full of activity. Lots of activity and little desire to blog about it.

We had dinner with the enemy and reliving it later by writing about it turned a day of healing into a day of reopening wounds. I decided then to step back from writing.

It was a day of healing because we had another marriage counselling session. The session itself wasn’t very productive. We talked about what forgiveness means and I avoided talking about all that was weighing heavily on me. Immediately following the session, Carol and I had an hour long conversation in her car. I asked the questions again, I probed for more details about how she felt, and she answered.

She asked what I wanted from her and I told her, “The truth. Always. Always answer, even if you know you’ve answered the question before, even if you have trouble answering, and never try to tell me what you think I want to hear. Only the truth, as you know it.”

She answered a lot. She told me how she felt and how she rationalized it, while acknowledging that the rationalizations were absurd. She told me she doesn’t believe I will ever forgive her because I’ve never forgiven anyone else. I told her that we are having these kinds of talks because I want to learn to forgive her and that’s more than I’ve ever given anyone.

She cried a lot. She hates reliving it. She did this to us but I know she suffers because of it, and for that reason, I bring it up very infrequently. A betrayer certainly doesn’t want to dread coming home from work because the betrayed spouse is ready to make them relive their most shameful moment every day. That’s counter productive to reconciliation. You work together as a team, but you can’t ignore the hard conversations. They have to come up, but sparingly.

So we had our big conversation. She relived her disgusting actions. She cried. I wiped away her tears. I don’t think I cried. I don’t think I ever do when she’s crying. We healed a bit. I went to work. I wrote about the dinner, and it felt like my healing reversed. It was time for a break from blogging.

2 thoughts on “December 2018 – Marriage Counselling

  1. ” A betrayer certainly doesn’t want to dread coming home from work because the betrayed spouse is ready to make them relive their most shameful moment every day. That’s counter productive to reconciliation. You work together as a team, but you can’t ignore the hard conversations. They have to come up, but sparingly.:” <- ABSOLUTELY!! .. I have been on these blogs for over four years now and its so unfortunate when you read about the ones that are still wanting to "punish" their spouse who betrayed them even tho it had been years since the betrayal happened. I get being hurt and never forgetting it but how are you two suppose to re-grow if you just keep over -mowing the lawn and killing the grass?.. I know there are a lot of betrayed spouses that may read this and the shoe may fit, so no pun intended, just saying…If you are ever going to get passed what has been done, talk it out, work through it as much as you possibly can, then let it be in the past. Keep bringing it to the present / future isnt going to change anything, you are just going to be stuck… Best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s