Advice for the Betrayer

Tell the truth and get it all out at once. It doesn’t matter that you’re too ashamed to admit to it all, that you think your partner already knows the worst of it and you want to spare them the finer details, or that you think your partner doesn’t really want to know so you omit details to spare them more hurt.

As the betrayed, we will sit and question everything that went on while we were in the dark. We will ask questions, we will interrogate, we will compare your answers over time and if you’re lying, your going to slip up. You were there, involved in it and we weren’t. We have a whole lot to wrap our head around.

If you don’t tell the whole truth at once, we’ll find out more later. Then you’re back at square one. The trust is broken again and any progress we’ve made is erased. The whole process begins again.

Tell the whole truth. All of it. Get it out of the way.

The betrayed has to work on forgiving you. We cannot forgive you for what you did without knowing all that you did.

You are not protecting us by hiding all the details. You are hurting us.

The only way out of this is through. Face it head on and go through it to get past it. It’s too big to steer around and ignoring it halts your progression.

Do the right thing. Tell the whole truth.

10 thoughts on “Advice for the Betrayer

    1. …and so does every time you choose to recall what your spouse did to you, everything they told you that they did with the other person, everything you imagined that they did or said to the other person, etc. All of these affect the healing process.

      Until you realize that it’s your thoughts, and your reaction to those thoughts, that cause the pain; you will be at the mercy of your emotions and the process will take longer. Not easy to do, I know, but not impossible. Don’t dishonor yourself by giving into the negativity of the egoic mind. You/we are all so much more than that.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Hummmm… Definite food for thought. My ex can’t move forward. One reason I did not share everything was because of the way she attacked me and brought up everything I did or she thought I did during our entire relationship. After hearing all that (40 plus year’s worth!!!), I figured she was better off without me anyway and I did not want to continue hearing it. So I cut off communication after the divorce. Not sure anything I say now would help her in any way. And probably too painful to both to try. When I did try, she did not listen. Story of our life together.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. In that case, when you’re not reconciling, coming clean about everything isn’t necessary. When you’re trying to continue the marriage, that’s when it all needs to come out to begin working on re-establishing trust right away.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I don’t hate my ex, just hate the way she continues to act. I’d try to help if I thought anything I did or said would help.


  2. Lauren Beth,

    Uh…ok. I wasn’t suggesting you weren’t ‘aware’ so to speak. It was more of a reminder…maybe more to myself than anyone else. Like you, I have also been through intimate betrayal more than once, more than twice even. I find that I sometimes need a reminder of who I am and who I am capable of being/becoming. I also find that when I am proactive with regards to my healing – rather than reactive – that I am more likely to be in alignment with the positivities of the Universe. Just for the record, I am a huge believer that the Universe always wants the best for us. I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same.

    I’m not sure of what your last comment was meant to convey. Was that a reminder of your ultimate goal in this life or were you just meaning to pass it along?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 12 years in I know that you will never know all the truth, even if you have been told it, you won’t believe it. That’s why I call it the unicorn of truth, it only exists if you believe it. But….the counsellor told Rich that if I asked he should tell me the truth. After a year though I decided I was done, I couldn’t let it continue to affect my life.

    Liked by 2 people

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