This vacation was a mixed bag of great and not-so-great moments but I think overall it was a very positive experience. As I mentioned before, this was a big group trip for Carol’s friend’s wedding. Carol was in the wedding party and because of that, not all of our time was our own. I also had to be extra careful about my condition in the hot, sunny environment. Anyway, I think I’ll just summarize my vacation by category and give each area a score out of 5.
It got off to a slow start until the wedding was out of the way but by the end of the trip, we had properly fucked each other’s brains out. By the final night, we were doing it just to see if we could do it another consecutive evening. It is possible that we may have had a similar amount of sex at some point early in our relationship, but I can’t say for sure. I feel that we probably never had the opportunity to have that much sex back then. We did it in all the ways we knew how to and even tried new ways. Though I’m ready to go whenever she is ready again, we definitely should have a few more days off from each other and build up some anticipation.
Sex score: 5/5 – Excellent!
Time To Ourselves
Like I said, not all of our time was our own, but we had a whole week. Carol was away for other obligations and activities relating to her friend’s wedding for most of two days and one brief dinner. Some of the time, we were together but with a group, and the rest of the time, we went off on our own, often avoiding other people in our group to spend time with each other.
Time To Ourselves Score: 3/5 – Good, considering Carol was in the wedding but we would much prefer have all of the time to ourselves when on vacation.
Quality of Time Together
So, how were Carol and I when we were together? On our 10th anniversary trip, the way we got along was magical, and this trip was no different. Well, maybe, considering our history, it was even better as now we were both very aware and appreciative of it. Our compatibility with each other was further highlighted by hanging out with a real mess of a couple on a few occasions, but I’ll get to them later.
Carol and I never had anything resembling an argument. We had the odd disagreement which was often handled in a joking, teasing manner. There’s not much to disagree on really as we were often on the same page. We’re avid readers, looking for a quiet shady spot to read and some water to dip into occasionally. We’re not big on socializing in big groups. When we have the energy to socialize, we like to gather a small group of close friends in a spot where we can hear each other talk. We like to drink socially but not overdo it, though I slipped up on that when I added some hard liquor that was offered to me to the mix one night (I can drink beer all night but throw in one mixed drink and I’ll go from happy drunk to wasted mess in no time).
All in all, Carol and I are highly compatible. We are in sync and on the same page most of the time, which lends to very little conflict between us, which leads to time well spent together. Though Carol assured me that it’s quite alright that I had one overly drunken night, it still made her have to care for me on one evening and witness me not at my best.
Quality Time score: 4.5/5 – We were great with each other and spent our time together well, with the exception of the few hours where she had to take care of my drunken ass.
Vacation time is time for fun and partying, so drinking is quite alright. Drinking to the point where you start missing out on your vacation, is not so good. I drank alcohol nearly every day but was only drunk twice: the first night (great time) and the third night (not so great time).
The first night included a big beach party. We’d been up since the wee hours of the morning and spent a long, tedious time travelling, so many of us needed to blow off some steam. We seemed to be getting on great with another couple, the wife being a decades-old friend of Carol’s, and all seemed just right.
Later that night, the cracks under the surface of their happy marriage began to appear and Carol and I found ourselves caught in their drama. Carol talked to the wife, and I talked to the husband and then they were settled down for the evening. Carol and I high-fived over our great teamwork but she warned me that there was a good reason why she has avoided that friend for many years. I, in my drunkenness, was optimistic that we could have a good influence on them and their drama would not affect our good relationship.
The next day, I had a mild headache but was up early and ready to go, no time lost.
The third night, however, started after spending a lot of the day drinking on my own. By the time I saw Carol, I was drunk, but I was still the happy, funny drunk like on the first night. We went out and met up with the other couple and I continued to drink. That’s when the hard liquor came out. I started becoming obnoxious, and even worse, I heard far too many details from the husband about his terrible, sham of a marriage. It was awful and I couldn’t cope with them anymore, so I kept on drinking. Then I was very obnoxious. Then I had to go back to our hotel room. Carol, drunk or not, I’m not sure, led me back to the room where I promptly brought up my dinner in the bathroom, cursing myself for going too far and letting Carol see this moment of weakness.
“If you see weakness in me, you’ll love me less. I have to be in control all the time,” I said as I sat on the bathroom floor.
“We’ll talk about this later,” Carol replied.
I slept it off as best as I could until the early afternoon the next day. Carol assured me that we were quite alright and she doesn’t think less of me for being a wasted mess once in a while, as it’s a very uncommon occurrence. From that point on, we actively avoided the other couple. Their drama is far too much for me to handle. I can’t help them.
That was not the last time I drank on our vacation but it was the last time I drank enough to get drunk. On the wedding day, Carol got drunk one last time though she, for whatever reasons, insisted that she was not. She was in fun drunk mode, though. The last time I can remember caring for a throwing up drunk Carol was before we were married.
Responsible Drinking score: 3/5 – Yes, I only had the one bad night on a resort that was feeding us drinks 24/7, but I feel I could’ve done better and had no bad nights. I really, really hate getting overly drunk. I know exactly how to avoid crossing the line, but I did it anyway.
We were on a big resort on a beautiful island. The weather was perfect: very warm with a nice cool breeze that seemed to know just when to show up. There were a lot of shady spots and paths to allow me to minimize my sun exposure. Often, I’d sit in the shade and just look at the stunning view for hours. It truly was breathtaking. The sand was nice and fine. It felt good to put my feet in it. The ocean was only good at a distance. So much seaweed. There were a lot of small children at the resort. Carol and I got tired of hearing crying and whining wherever we went.
Our room was away from the majority of the people in our group so we never had any visitors, which was good. We had a nice balcony to sit at when we were tired of being on the beach or poolside. We had a nice, big tub that we made good use of, but the bathroom itself didn’t give us any privacy from each other (“Hey honey, can you go out on the balcony for a bit? I have some ‘business’ to take care of,”). There was a large TV that we could lay down in front of at the end of a long day and watch some, wait, what? This thing has only one channel?! Our air conditioner and fridge didn’t always work.
Location score: 3.5/5 – Beautiful scenery, imperfect resort.
I’m not going to mince words here: the food sucked. After trying a few restaurants, we no longer looked forward to mealtime. By the end of the trip, we downright dreaded it. Our stomachs rumbled as we talked of all the restaurants we’d go to and all the food we’d cook when we got home.
The staff was okay. We asked politely and we got what we needed. There was nothing that stood out in that area.
Service score: 2/5 – Dreadful, dreadful food!
Leaving the Past Behind
I doubt a day went by where I did not think about what Carol did to us, at least in a fleeting thought here and there. After all, we were around people who know us, or at least, knew Carol, two of them being her close friends since high school. Many of these people have at least the minimum story, that we were separated, and ‘who knows how much?’ has crossed my mind a number of times.
Next, there were the thoughts that crept up when things are going particularly well, the ‘she wanted to throw this all away’ thoughts. Those are often followed with, ‘she doesn’t deserve this’, which can often trigger a revenge fantasy. The worst of them occurred while we were in line at the airport on the way home. I suddenly felt an incredible hatred towards Carol as I began to dwell on her terribly stupid and destructive decisions. I’m now starting to believe Carol is able to sense these moments because she sure became quiet and kept her distance at just the right time.
Dealing with a couple in the midst of a rocky marriage did make me think of mine but it was often with gladness that my situation is better and improving. It’s unfortunate to see a marriage crumbling as both partners attempt to sweep the problems under the rug, which is clearly not working as they cope by being high or intoxicated as much as possible. In one of my discussions with the husband, I admitted that my marriage has had problems, without getting too personal or detailed about it. I was able to do this without feeling bitterness towards Carol, to my surprise.
One day, Carol showed me a meme she was laughing at on her phone. It was about coworkers arguing. Lydia has sent it to her and wrote, “reminds me of you and Rick”. I couldn’t believe that I actually had to read his stupid name, being shown to me by Carol. I just looked at Carol with annoyance then went back to reading. I decided not to say anything or she may become afraid of me seeing anything that may make mention of him. Better that she doesn’t hide these things from me.
Finally, there was the wedding itself: the exchange of promises that end up meaning nothing as one of the partners inevitably becomes bored and begins sabotaging the relationship. Yeah, I’m not a fan of weddings or marriage in general anymore. Carol believes we are married but I just don’t feel it, to be honest. I think Carol and I will need to exchange new rings and vows for me to feel married again, and I think I want it to be done quietly and privately. The idea of promising to be someone’s one and only in front of a group of people annoys me. It just looks like fake bullshit. Often, that’s just what it ends up being. Watching a wedding was a very bitter moment for me.
Leaving the Past Behind score: 3/5 – Though it wasn’t as intrusive as it is at home, especially when I’m at work, I had a few strong reactions that show I still have a long way to go before the past can stay in the past.
The Bottom Line
When I average out the scores, it comes to 3.4 out of 5, and that feels about right for me. Carol and I get along amazingly, especially when the responsibilities of life at home are out of the way, but there’s a dark shadow over us that is going to take a long time to get past. Much of the troubles that kept this vacation from being great were the just circumstances of it: the wedding and the resort itself. Overall, it was not a great trip, but not a bad one either, and I look forward to having Carol with me on future trips.