It’s Been a While

Hey, how're you doing? It's been a rough couple of years for everyone. It's been rough for me, that's for sure. Much of it due to the situation we're all in, some of it being things not directly related to it. I made the mistake of expressing some of my 'blah' feelings during a presurgery …

Progress? Part 2

So, on our vacation I had opened up to a friend about something I’ve not spoken or written of, and I sort of talked to my wife about how I’ve been feeling inside. One more thing happened during that trip to remind us all of the past and it came from our daughter. Sarah has …

Progress? Part 1

A few things happened over the past few weeks that led up to what I think may be a little bit of progress towards healing, something like dipping my toe into the healing waters. It’s hard to say, given that I’m still very much emotionally shut down most of the time. I think writing it …

Anniversaries, Continued

I’ve had to delete a few comments lately. If you noticed that your comment hasn’t made it past approval, it may be because of what’s explained here: Do You Know Jack? If you don’t have it in you to read my long, rambling writing on the subject (seriously, Jack, get to the point!), the summary …

The Day We Do Not Speak Of

As it goes every weekday, my alarm woke me up so I headed to the bathroom for my morning shower. Everyone else in the house was asleep, having no obligations for the day. As I stepped into the shower, it occurred to me what day it was. I rolled my eyes and muttered, “Oh, Christ.” …

What You Did

Today, I wait to leave for home until I know you’re out of the house. You’ve done nothing new to earn this resentment. It’s just always there under the surface, ready to pop up when I see/hear/feel something that makes me rage. Today, I rage at the sight of a Facebook friend suggestion. I thought …

Thoughts – June 2020

The following entry is simply me writing how I feel as I feel it. Working through my thoughts in writing this morning turned my mood around so I’m glad I did it. Sometimes I feel like I’m turning into a monster, and sometimes it gets so bad that I actively look for signs to convince …

The Interview

It’s been a rough year so far, that’s for sure. I’ve been sick, injured, sick, then injured again. I’ve barely had a week or two to enjoy in good health. When asked how I’m doing, I usually steer the conversation to my joy of playing music which is so fulfilling in my life at this …

What’s Been Going On? December

Feeling even worse, I wrote an entry about the darkness inside but again, I left it in my drafts, then I published an entry about how I almost opened up to my wife. At some point after the dark clouds started to clear, seemingly on their own, but I made sure to book another appointment …

What’s Been Going On? October – November

It seems that, starting in October, I began to slip into depression. I thought it lasted for around a month but, looking at my unpublished entries, it appears to be closer to two months. Time flies, I guess. Here are some notes on what has happened over the final months of 2019. OctoberIn an unpublished …