What’s Been Going On? October – November

It seems that, starting in October, I began to slip into depression. I thought it lasted for around a month but, looking at my unpublished entries, it appears to be closer to two months. Time flies, I guess. Here are some notes on what has happened over the final months of 2019. OctoberIn an unpublished …

Out of the Black

I've been fighting a battle with myself. The battle to care or not care, to love or not love, to hate or not hate. I guess I was just getting worn down by it all because I was falling into these bouts of depression. I began to avoid communicating altogether. After all, it was just …

Reflecting on an Undocumented Session

The last time I saw HT in therapy, I didn't provide the full details of the session in a blog post. We mostly discussed my health but at the end of the session, there was an exchange about Carol that I've been thinking about: "She had to do something so terrible to realize that what …

Worlds Collide

On an evening this past week, I brought the kids to out to watch Carol participate in her rec league sport. I don't do this very often, only if she has an early game. She plays on a team with Doreen. Their mother, my mother-in-law, plays on another team. They happened to be playing against …

Happiness?

"How are you doing?" HT asked. "Pretty good, I guess. I have a headache today, though," I replied. "That's too bad. Can you get comfortable? "Yeah, I'll manage." "So, what's been happening in the past few weeks?" She asked. "Well, we had our camping trip," I said. "And how did that go?" "It was okay. …

A Year of Blogging part 1 – Healing

It's been a year since I started this blog. A lot has happened in my life. A lot has changed. Hell, a lot has changed in the month of June alone. No, nothing major on the outside, all is more or less the same on that front, but on the inside, I feel there has …

How to Defeat the Anger

I saw HT last week. We talked for the most part then spent a few moments at the end of the session trying some exercises to help me let go of the anger. There is a pattern developing here. I enter the session feeling pretty empty and emotionless, then the anger comes to the front, …

Trauma Reversal

I gave HT a summary of my vacation with Carol, not unlike the one I provided in my most recent post. She asked me about the day after I over drank. "I told her I was just worried that she would think less of me from seeing me not at my best, but really, I …

A Nightmare and a Therapy Session

I have a whole lot to say, yet nothing to say at all. I'm home, I'm tired, I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm relieved, I'm at peace, I'm tormented, I'm hopeful, I'm doubtful. I'm everything all at once and, at the same time, nothing. I'm still a mixed up, contradictory person, but at least …

The Roadblocks to Healing

Last night, I saw HT for the first time in a month. We had some ground to cover. I told HT how Carol and I 'graduated' from marriage counselling. That felt good but sometimes I'm not so sure about how far we've come. "She knows you two have the tools you need to continue healing …